SEVERAL days ago,I contacted an American Maestro with a view to having him assess my singing voice over the telephone....I suggested that he might like to pour himself a drink,since he would soon be needing it to calm his jangled nerves after having his delicate shell-likes damaged beyond repair...The eminent Maestro laughed nervously as he decanted into a glass a particularly fine claret...After fortifying himself with Dutch courage,he directed me to begin singing the diatonic scales,in other words,Doh,Re,Mi, a' la The Sound Of Music,which I refused to do,since such a practice bores me silly.I informed Marcus the Maestro that my fave aria is Vesti La Guibba,which apparently translates as On With The Motley,which features a very loud and ear-splitting laugh just one-minute into the song..Foolishly,the by-now -well-oiled Maestro invited me to sing the passage which ends with the said laugh...With the double-glazed windows firmly closed,and having drunk a glass of water,I began my audition...I gave the guffaw so much wellie that I didn't even hear the worse-for-wear Maestro as he hit the deck with a resounding crash.