BEING very religious and God -fearing,I have ALWAYS observed the all important Sabbath ,which of course must be kept holy,and all that garbage.

I'd love to board my home- made TARDIS,which looks far bigger on the INSIDE than it does on the outside- naturally.An optical illusion,of course...I understand the first individual to use a Time Machine was a Doctor....Who was it,do you know?Why not peruse the journal Whose Who?I won't bother,as its longer than WAR AND PEACE.Nonsense!I once read WAR AND PEACE prior to retiring to bed...

I'd program it to take me back twenty centuries to the time of Jesus Christ when the toe-rags in The Temple,the old- time Sunday traders who were taking liberties with the rules and regulations set down by those Ancient Roman,bastards...I would see our Saviour don his steel-toecap sandles,and proceed to give those who would have the temerity to trade on the Sabbath such a good,hard kicking that the feckless fellows would either not be able to sit down for a month,or so much friction would be generated that their Y-Fronts would catch FIRE,and would need to be extinguished with copious quantities of holy water....

My Time Machine was knocked up in the garage...Although it does play up from time to time,on the whole it works very Wells.The interior of my TARDIS is very untidy and looks like a World War Three BOMB has hit it.